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- Joined
- Jan 1970
I’d like to find out what other people have gone through when chastity is brought into the picture after trust has already been weakened.
I get that Keyholders use locks for many reasons, such as stopping too much masturbation or extending general denial. I’m fairly certain there are endless motivations for locking up within a wide variety of relationships… but does it alter things when past trust issues hang over them?
I’ll probably cross-post some older writing from another site later to give more detail on our history, but the core of my inquiry is this: He violated my orgasm control rule (#1 D/s priority) and cheated (online) over a period in the recent past. Sometimes I still wonder if he’s truly loyal to Me and us.
‘There were more chats than orgasms. It was only one,’ he claims. Even though that line stings on its own and invites an annoying comparison in my head—which I won’t dive into right now—I find it holds up better, assuming it’s true.
Orgasm control has been part of our dynamic from the start. Seeing proof last year in a hidden video of that specific aspect of My power slipping away was a bitter pill for M/me to swallow… both as an Owner and as a faithful partner.
Last year after I uncovered some things, he verbally confirmed what he calls his deepest desires (so far) and showed plenty of shame about them. He says he strayed because he thought I’d stop loving him if I knew what he wanted. Being fortunate enough to have mostly positive sexual experiences, I easily accepted his secret desires—most of which centered on gender play. Given the dynamic of our D/s relationship (which was two years old at that point), I wasn’t totally surprised by his cravings… but it infuriated and hurt Me not to know about them earlier. And the wasted cum is something I doubt I’ll ever forget.
The point is, this whole situation invited and fostered deceit, which isn’t what I intended for us from the start.
However, after a long talk on the first night of that discovery, I told him there’s no issue with feeling feminine if he wants. “Be yourself, because I love you as you are.” I don’t think he ever truly expected his sexual tendencies to be accepted…
Since then, we’ve uncovered countless things about each other that have led to some genuinely beautiful intimate moments. It felt like our relationship was new, yet we remained ‘old’ friends. Conversations exploded daily. We made serious strides in communication and bond strength. We even decided to marry and actually did it. We’re navigating immigration now. All these events are positive signs of progress. We’re closing the gap, and I have tangible proof of our direction. Calling them good would be an understatement.
But every Dom/me or KH knows, I’m sure, that breaking a hard limit can have serious consequences. Especially if it’s the *hardest *- one so vital that the entire existence of the power exchange depends on its fulfillment. No one likes broken promises, but my point is that disappointment from some sticks with you longer than others. Even when things are going well.
We’ve just started our journey into physical chastity, and I’ve found it uplifting without many negative thoughts over the past week while we discussed it. Before that, I’d become a bit paranoid (due to an anniversary effect, I think), but for whatever reason, thinking about locking him up made all those negative vibes disappear.
Has anyone (particularly KHs) found chastity helpful in repairing trust? Was moving into chastity a challenge or a comfort for you? What changes did you notice in yourself and your ability to trust him after he was locked?