Journals and blogs discussion

This marks my third journal entry since joining the community back in November 2015, just a few days after I first put on my Holy Trainer. My first Journal, titled “Complicated Start,” covers the early days of my chastity journey and includes many brain farts and frantic issues. The second journal, Love and Denial, referenced via that community page, detailed our settling-in period where my Wife, Elle, truly stepped up as my keyholder and Mistress, leading us to view our relationship through an FLR lens.

I’m not entirely sure what this new journal will cover. Things are certainly more settled than in that first year, but we still have issues. Currently, these problems relate more to transitioning into the FLR structure than to chastity itself. This year I’ve had four full orgasms; last year was five. I know what it feels like to go months without one and would genuinely not choose to give up those feelings. However, accepting all the expectations that come with an FLR is another matter entirely.

This journal probably won’t cover various fantasies that seem to accompany some people’s ideas of chastity. It is highly unlikely there will be any edging over the next year, nor talk of sissification or cuckolding. Elle likes me wearing panties, but not all the time; she hasn’t thrown away my male underwear either. She has no interest in having sex with anyone else—thank you very much—and pegging isn’t something that does much for her right now.

The amount I write about our sexual encounters has decreased from my early posts, mostly because they seem repetitive to me. I am still giving Elle Yoni massages; she had one earlier this evening and enjoyed it immensely. It was different from previous ones in that she no longer asks if I want to give her one; she tells me I will. I have also become much better at them through practice. But a Yoni massage is essentially what it says on the tin. I might go into detail to let anyone interested know how amazing they are, or perhaps not.

The key point is that I am still very much a beginner in this whole chastity world. I love what it has done for Elle and me. I wish we had started sooner, but I realize we probably wouldn’t have reached our current state if we hadn’t gone through the same life experiences or issues that led us here.

I do think I must make one thing absolutely clear about why I wear a chastity device. As far as I know, my situation is pretty unique; I’d love to be proven wrong and find someone else who started for the same reason we did, but so far, I haven’t heard of anyone quite like me. Skip the next few paragraphs if you are easily made to feel queasy…

Back in September 2015, with Elle’s permission, I modified my penis. I split my glans almost completely in two, vertically. It would be impossible for me to have a PA piercing because there is nothing for it to go through. My original plan was an ampallang piercing, but before that could happen, Elle saw what I had done and freaked out. The reality of the appearance was very different from her expectations. For three days, I honestly thought I had lost her; she might have demanded a divorce. We had been married for 25 years at that point. She is my best friend, and I would never do anything to hurt her.

I had seen chastity devices on Tumblr femdom blogs and offered to wear one as a way of covering up the split glans. Elle agreed, and surprisingly to both of us, our current chastity lifestyle developed. We didn’t start this because either of us was chasing a specific Chastity fantasy; in fact, going without an orgasm for a week, let alone five months, wasn’t something I had really considered before. I still remember how excited I got the first time she locked me into a device. I don’t fully understand why—I feel that same excitement when she says no, you can’t cum, or no, you can’t masturbate—but my response to her control clearly turns Elle on.

All I know is I am excited to see what year three brings.