Journals and blogs discussion

I shared this blog on another platform and am eager to bring it here. I’ve been locked for 17 days without any release, and these are the third blogs I’m posting right now:) … I’ve decided to maintain a blog for the coming weeks. Goddess and I prefer keeping our business private, with only a select few friends aware of us. We enjoy it this way but have chosen to share some thoughts and ideas, particularly regarding inline play. Some background… We got together several months ago and have built an incredibly close bond. Even though we are thousands of miles apart, we feel deeply connected, and our dynamic is definitely authentic. We started by discussing our aspirations and dreams in great detail, quickly realizing we shared a common fantasy on opposite sides of the same coin. We both sensed this could be something special. After outlining limits, likes, dislikes, etc., Goddess took possession of my cock three days later. I was locked in a CB3000. Initially, we used plastic numbered tags to prevent cheating. The chastity device serves as more than just hardware; it is symbolic between us, defining our roles: Goddess and owned slave. Over the past months, we’ve experimented with various games while always discussing the results thoroughly for both of us. We believe this communication is vital for deepening our exploration of ourselves. From day one, we have sought a relationship built on strong foundations. I should mention that from the start, we cared deeply for each other and shared our deepest emotions openly. When I first met Goddess, she had a few other subs. Very quickly, we mutually agreed to focus solely on each other as is now the case. I felt I couldn’t truly submit if I were ‘sharing’ Goddess with others. For both of us, this D/S journey is intimate and private; conducting it one-to-one has allowed for the deep self-exploration we are experiencing. I never wanted to ‘play’ with a professional domme nor did I want just a casual arrangement. In real life, I’ve had some D/S relationships that didn’t quite work or enable what Goddess and I now have. I entered CNC last September until March when my single relationship with the domme I met on joining ended at Christmas. That experience gave me insight into cyber D/S possibilities, which align well with many ideas Goddess and I share. Since day one, I’ve kept a diary/blog for Goddess. It currently exceeds 120,000 words, giving her understanding of my deepest feelings and empowering her to explore herself through our mutual journey. Everything we do complements us both. We are like Yin and Yang—complete opposites in D/S yet completing the circle. In those early days, I discovered that my suffering resonated with Goddess on a level she had never experienced before. She truly adored our play; this is what I’d been seeking all my life. Note that prior to this, pain was a hard limit for me, aside from usual mild bedroom antics. Occasionally in the beginning, my cock would be slapped or my butt spanked just a few times. However, noticing Goddess’s reaction, one night in the chat room talking to another sub, I had a revelation: I wanted to explore punishment and pain aspects more deeply for her sake. The sub told me that his Goddess would beat him purely for amusement or to feel better. My Goddess was present in the chat at that time, and we discussed this idea afterward. Since then, we’ve developed many ways to inflict pain via the internet, expanding our D/S exploration to a new level. I still absolutely detest pain in any form BUT seeing my Goddess love it so much makes me feel alive like never before. We call this our circle theory: as Goddess’s pleasure grows, so does my submission and de facto pleasure. We feed each other constantly—my torment gives her enormous joy, and seeing her laugh with a massive smile brings me more happiness than I’ve ever known. Thus the circle completes. We firmly believe that D/S is possible only when we maintain ‘vanilla’ essentials: caring deeply for one another, trusting each other, and communicating our deepest thoughts/feelings/emotions. Goddess and I talk every single day via internet messenger or Skype, which helps us understand each other and develop our journey. She communicates her innermost feelings to me this way. So, here is the reason for this blog after many months with my Goddess: we are about to embark on a few-week journey hoping to discover even more about ourselves and our mutual love of D/S. My Goddess found an online quote very relevant to where we are going: “The Inner Layer, however, is quite different. This is the emotional interaction between the domme and sub, the ‘deeper reality’ of the scene. In this layer, the sub is receiving considerable pleasure from the domme’s actions, physically, emotionally, and perhaps spiritually. The domme is concerned to please and pleasure the sub, so that the domme and sub are reciprocally concerned about the other’s pleasure. The sub in fact has a good deal of power in the interaction, because it is the sub’s consent that allows the domme to do what gives the dome pleasure. Should the sub refuse to continue playing, the domme is morally obligated to stop; in essence, the sub has the ultimate control because he or she can always end the scene. The domme’s cruel, heartless exterior is part of what the sub derives pleasure from, because it enhances the feeling of control, humiliation, and powerlessness.” We feel this quote (part of a longer blog) describes our play well. However, we both strongly believe another quote applies to us… “Finally, the Inner Layer is the level on which domme and sub do their emotional bonding. As the sub learns to trust the domme (and vice versa) over the course of multiple scenes, the sub is more likely to be able to push limits, open up emotionally, and become truly vulnerable to the dommes desires. This bonding is what allows dommes and subs to build lifetime relationships of love, trust, and mutual dependence. If you don’t realize that the Inner Layer exists, you’re less likely to find that deep connection.” Our upcoming journey will take us (we hope) deeper into ourselves than ever before. I will be locked with no ‘full’ release for at least 26 days—a number derived from a roulette wheel. Over these weeks, the wheel may determine levels of denial and torture in various ways, but we hope the culmination brings ecstasy like never before. Day 26 is not necessarily the exact day of release, just the minimum. I won’t write extensively about our physical play but will focus more on how we feel emotionally regarding this journey. Our play feels very intimate to us personally. I’d like to share my thoughts, feelings, and emotions over the coming weeks. …