Introductions discussion

It took a long time before my wife really got into it. I'd say about three years. The way I made it work was starting with just teasing and denial. I don't think showing up with a chastity device is the best idea right at the start unless she is already aware of it. We did T&D for a few months, and my wife saw the reaction I had when I orgasmed after several weeks of denial. I didn't bring up a cage until she wanted me to go three weeks without an orgasm on the honor system. I told her that while I would love to do so, I couldn't promise it outright and showed her a CB6000 online. She said to get one. It was her choice, which helped. Initially, I started presenting my wife with all the things you read about: how I was supposed to handle all the housework while she pegged and humiliated me. She needed whips, black boots, and all that other stuff we read about that supposedly happens magically when a lock clicks shut. That scared her quite a bit, so we stopped. Afterward, I presented just teasing and denial instead. I showed her some things on Kareeza and Tantric sex so she viewed it as something positive rather than being taken away from me. Chastity takes away the ejaculation part. My wife called sex without my orgasm "fake sex" long before Trump coined that term. It did take a while for my wife to accept that denying me was actually pleasing me. She isn't 100% there mentally yet, but she accepts chastity as just another sex game like all the other fetishes we have had. It took us that long because our marriage wasn't strictly monogamous in the traditional sense; we shared a girlfriend and explored almost every fetish you can think of, mostly in the BDSM area. Even though my wife wasn't entirely vanilla, she struggled with embracing chastity initially, so I taught her little by little. Slowly, she got used to not dealing with my orgasms anymore and started having some of her best orgasms ever using a vibrator. Now she prefers it, but it did take time because it involves someone who loves you. It's just about baby steps and viewing it as a game where roles are slipped into and out of depending on the mood. When I taught my wife's girlfriend/lover how to be sexually dominant, we used baby steps again. A blindfold turned into also depriving me of hearing, then touch. Playful spankings became hard ones; when she hurt more than I did with her hands, a paddle was introduced, followed by whip and cane, etc. It was a multi-year process, and once she felt confident, I stopped teaching and leading her. However, that didn't mean she could do exactly as she pleased with me. A good Mistress will not let you get away with just doing whatever; there are standards. That's something you see in porn but rarely see where anyone is forced to do things they truly don't want to. That is what a safe word is for, and it helps alleviate your wife's concerns. Pick one rule: we always use RED. My wife knows that I can beg her all I want, tug at her heartstrings, and say whatever I think will get her to let me orgasm, but unless I use my safe word, I am not truly having a problem. That makes her feel comfortable since she knows if you are in genuine mental or physical distress, you will use your safe word. Most women don't understand how often men masturbate. My wife was shocked when she found out; she does it too, but nowhere near as much as I used to. So part of chastity involved her helping protect me from myself. She also knows that I can still masturbate even while locked up, and our arrangement doesn't revolve solely around being physically locked in but rather the promise I made not to do so freely. Chastity only works if you have self-control. One problem guys face is making keyholding feel like work; they want their wives to be wardens watching them 24/7 because men will try to cheat. Unless the wife enjoys that dynamic, and I suspect most don't, it becomes labor for her. We had contracts and rules plus played games, but all of that stuff was largely for my benefit, not hers. It was like a user manual: if I wanted whipping, I knew what to do, and after doing so, my wife *had* to whip me. So I was in control, not her. That is the problem with many chastity contracts; the guy's actions force the keyholder's reaction. We ended up with only one rule: my wife makes the rules and doesn't have to tell me what they are or if they change. I made a promise to remain locked up without escaping plus refraining from masturbation. My wife no longer had to act as my warden; she just needed to hide the keys, unlock me for sex if desired, and that was it. That made life easy on her. Some focus more on being physically locked in than orgasm denial. You will find many who have regular orgasms or endure two-to-three days without one, but it is mostly about being locked up. I don't think that kind of chastity lasts long because the initial excitement of confinement fades sooner or later. It works for some, but that isn't how we lasted five years. I am a psychology buff. I wanted to be a psychologist at one point and instead became a magician, which uses plenty of psychology. Instead of being one professionally, I visited one and was diagnosed with such a strong Machiavellian personality that even though she knew it intellectually, she found herself doing as I desired. That has been great for both my professional and sex life. I can usually talk people into things. Not in a way that harms them but where they benefit, perhaps not quite as much as I do, yet still better than if they didn't comply. Everyone gets something, though often I get more while putting in the most effort. Few guys have wives who ask their friends to sleep with their husbands just to keep up with his libido; my wife did that. She did many things other women wouldn't in bed. Yet, chastity was the hardest sell. One more thing you might consider is negotiating annually. We would agree on a minimum number of orgasms for me, but when and how many above that minimum were up to my wife. Each year I received fewer and fewer orgasms. Now I have no say in it and am doing fine without any for the last three-plus months. I don't think I even want one anymore. Last month on our 45th anniversary, I had a chance but opted instead to perform oral sex on my wife. I have been trained. Also, communicate often and fine-tune things. Remove what doesn't work and don't let your chastity device become the sole focus of your game. Be practical about when you are locked up. Since I work from home, I can stay locked almost constantly. At first, I was only locked during the day; then 24/7 at home, and finally even outside except for impractical times like doctor visits. Make chastity your own rather than adopting someone else's idea. That is what we did. Nail down the core aspects before introducing larger fetishes or you might overwhelm your wife. She also doesn't need to be a dominatrix or Mistress; my wife remains just my wife outside the bedroom. Nothing has changed except she holds control over our sex life. For me, it's fair since I spent 30 years sharing her with other women in threesomes—I probably had more than many porn stars did over 47 years. I owe my wife big time and now want sex to be primarily about her. She shared me with others for most of our marriage; now it is just about her. Good luck, and find a way to help your wife realize that by denying you, she is pleasing you. I used some tricks. For instance, when I did get an orgasm, I acted slightly extra intense but then complained afterward about regretting having one and noting how much better I felt staying orgasm-free. After sex, I would thank my wife specifically when she denied me an orgasm but not after giving me one. Subtle things like that. As a former programmer, I look at it as programming her brain to think differently; in the end, she gets more benefit than I do. I could happily cum every day like before but am content doing otherwise because my wife likes when I don't. I just don't worship women (or men for that matter). I play at being sexually submissive and am not naturally one. To us, it is just another sex game we have had throughout our marriage. We try to keep it contained mostly within the bedroom and do not use sex as currency. Neither of us can speed up or significantly delay an orgasm on command purely by willpower. Our marriage plays out like any other; my wife married an alpha male and does not want a slave for a husband. We did try domestic discipline and feminization because we experiment with everything. I even had sex with men to test it out. Life is short, so we like tasting as much of it as possible while we can. It is just sex. Good luck.