Re: She still desires me but not like before.

I’ve mentioned before that we entered into chastity two years ago because my wife prefers women. A few months back, I felt she had lost sexual interest in men entirely. She kept reminding me that if same-sex marriage had been legal when we wed, she would have picked a woman instead. Even now, she insists that if I pass away first, she’ll leave the male gender behind and live with a female partner for the rest of her days.

She hasn’t allowed any form of sexual penetration lately, and oral sex has nearly vanished from both giving and receiving. When we do have intercourse, she likes me to wear a bra and panties while I kiss her and stroke her breast silently as she closes her eyes, fantasizing about an old girlfriend until she climbs using her vibrator.

She wants very little sexual activity from me at least; the vibrator gets far more use than I do. Even when she permits me to stimulate her with my hands or mouth, she’ll often interrupt so she can finish off on her own device. She has quite a collection of them this year. Earlier this year, she had me fitted for a tiny custom cage that leaves no room for an erection; trying one causes pain.

She also canceled our twice-weekly teasing sessions and steadily increased my orgasm dAenial period until it now stretches to three or four months. She often says she’d be happier if I never climaxed at all, or perhaps only once a year, so there’s always something she can take away from me as punishment for being a bad husband.

Lately, she has me just listening while she uses her vibrator, keeping me blindfolded or otherwise unable to see. I finally asked whether she still finds me sexually desirable at all. We tested this by seeing if the issue was specific to me or men in general; it turned out she doesn’t mind other men much when they are acceptable companions. It seems few husbands would tolerate a wife with a live-in girlfriend who has dropped intercourse and oral sex for good, especially since I earn well and her income is solid too.

Last night, I decided to confront her directly because she’s been evasive whenever I ask about her sexuality and whether it includes men or specifically me. I offered to stop asking about sex entirely if she doesn’t desire me sexually—just keep me locked up and let out occasionally for solo masturbation so she doesn’t even have to watch. I needed a straight answer because I’m unsure of my standing with her. While I know her love is real, her sexual attraction feels different.

She replied that she does find me attractive but notes her sex drive has dropped significantly after menopause and that her aversion to penetration and oral isn’t personal—it’s not about me. She doesn’t even enjoy giving or receiving oral from women anymore. Still, she’d welcome another woman into our bed sometimes; what matters is enjoying locking me up and teasing me periodically. Her favorite part is edging me until I’m hard and then leaving me that way.

All her life, she felt obligated to respond when a man’s erection was triggered by her presence—the old blue balls story of how much it hurt because she caused it herself. Now, instead of feeling pressured, she can simply tell me to lock up if I get aroused. Better yet, she keeps the cage on so firmly that I struggle even to achieve hardness.

Although traditional sex isn’t her main passion anymore, she enjoys controlling me sexually and derives pleasure from that dynamic—a thing harder for her with a female partner since she leans toward dominant women. So while the sight of my small penis and semen doesn’t excite her as much visually, she is deeply into denying me release. She loves it and laughs openly when I beg.

She needs me to be hard and pleading so she can get her best orgasms while holding onto my cock or balls with one hand during vibrator use; she dislikes finishing alone. Thus, her sexual attraction translates through control over a man.

Bisexuality is more nuanced than people realize. My wife prefers women for sex but men for control, and women as companions/roommates, yet wants a man for everything else in life. She desires a conventional marriage to an alpha male like her father was—I fit that mold perfectly. She feels secure with a man while appreciating the emotional connection of a female companion. Her best sexual experiences involve both genders together.

She’d love having another woman live here as before, but if I die, she prefers staying with a woman only.

You can see why I was confused: after living with me and her girlfriend for years, when I asked if she considered herself bisexual or heteroflexible, it hadn’t really occurred to her. She knows no other way of feeling but places more importance on the person than their gender. So there’s my answer—sort of—but at least it confirms she isn’t repelled by men as I once feared.

Her tastes in sex were exactly why I introduced chastity; it aligned with what she likes and dislikes. The last two years have been around-the-clock chastity with very few orgasms—a true sexual lifestyle, comparable to the BDSM era of our marriage.

Tonight, she wants to pleasure herself using her favorite vibrator but prefers me listening via phone rather than kissing or touching her physically. She just walked in and told me to massage her later. Years ago, I bought a professional massage table for her and took lessons myself. Lately, she’s grown more confident directing me after years of living primarily to please others—even sharing her girlfriend with me.

The coming years should be intriguing as we explore D/s dynamics further.

Right now, her girlfriends envy her having such an attentive husband who helps out when they visit. My wife tells me to pour the coffee and set the table while she relaxes for the hostess duties (which I perform). I wear panties and a bra—not because I enjoy it personally but because she insists; she says it makes me seem less macho.

She oscillates between domestic discipline phases. She gets sexually stimulated by this dynamic but feels guilty about imposing it on me due to childhood physical abuse (not sexual); her father hospitalized both sons once, and his wife multiple times. My mother-in-law fled temporarily to stay with her best friend, who eventually became our long-term lover.

She is conflicted regarding whipping or caning me; doing something she fears excites her sexually. We are working through that together—baby steps indeed. It took nearly two full years for me to stop feeling guilty about denying myself an orgasm.

The journey continues, and it feels good discussing it.