Novices and newbies discussion

Hi there, I’m new to posting here. My wife and I have been experimenting with chastity for about two years now, but we haven’t really done any long-term wearing yet for a couple of reasons. One reason is that I’m too big-bodied to get through the few nights where it hurts to sleep because erections are painful and uncomfortable. Another reason is that every single time I’m wearing my device and we’re messing around or hooking up, she likes to tease me. While she’s teasing me—or even if she isn’t touching me at all while I’m massaging her or going down on her—I try to get hard. As I try to get hard, my penis doesn’t give in and ends up turning my balls/penis kind of purple. It’s perfectly fine when I’m not erect, or if I’m wearing it and she’s just saying things to humiliate or tease me while I look at Tumblr or something else trying to get a small erection. But once we really get into it and the pressure from the cage doesn’t prevent my dick from trying to get hard, that’s when I start having pain/color changing issues. It really sucks because at this point I have to tell her alright I have to take it off; it hurts too much. I’ve tried many different cages—from the Holy Trainer to all of the CB series to a few different metal ones I got on Amazon. I’ve spent hundreds of dollars trying to find the right one, and they all give me the same issues. Any help would be appreciated since we’d like to move past this and keep playing.