Journals and blogs discussion

I’ve resolved to begin a journal so I can look back at the beginning and compare it with where I am now as time goes on. A bit of history regarding my wife and me. We have been together for almost exactly 15 years. During most of that time, I held the dominant role. I came up with our ideas and we put them to the test. Honestly, there isn’t much else left for us to try without bringing other people into the mix, which is a hard no for my wife. I discovered chastity while searching for our next new adventure. We purchased a silicone knockoff of the cb-6000s and gave it a go. My first denial period lasted 4 days. During those four days, I almost lost my mind because I was used to ejaculating every day. At first, my wife seemed delighted by it; she enjoyed teasing me while I appreciated giving her what little pleasure I could manage. On Day 4, as she was edging me, she told me to lock up and go down. I crashed hard. To this day, I’m not entirely sure why, but the pressure became too much for an emotional collapse. She panicked, thinking she had hurt my feelings or damaged our bond. Ever since then, she hasn’t really pushed hard, becoming quite relaxed about keeping me locked. I unfortunately picked up several bad habits from that point onward. I realized I could get whatever I wanted by just nudging a little harder. It took me a year and countless conversations with her to reach this current state of mind. I’ve made some posts here discussing what we might or should do to make things work, but most replies focused on me. Everyone seemed convinced that I was the problem. Many people pointed out that I had been “topping from the bottom.” I took those comments quite personally at first, rereading them over and questioning whether they were correct. Eventually, I realized they were right. Breaking a dominant streak is tough for anyone, and my wife never really did it herself. The only way to stop being the boss was if I decided to let go. We also haven’t found a cage that fits me perfectly yet, which has complicated things further. While I do wear one occasionally, usually discomfort or chafing sets in after just a day or so. A new cage is arriving within the next few weeks. Hopefully, it will be my permanent home and allow us to move past this hurdle. This morning, I wrote to my wife expressing that I wanted to try again. Previously, I had asked if she minded me locking up, which was fine with her. In my note, I told her I want her to take charge of our sex life. I proposed defaulting to being locked and only releasing myself when she chooses. There would be no strict rules or expectations attached. It wouldn’t matter whether I got off daily or went a month without release; what mattered was that she held the decision-making power. She agreed to this approach. Now, my job is to stay in line and let her do things on her terms. I know it will be hard for me, but I believe it will pay off for us both.